692
by Lucillia
Summary: Done for Rorschach's Blot's Things I'd Like to See in a Fic list #692. Thanks alot man. Why did that have to stick in my head and give me Ideas? Now I need an obliviate and so will any readers. Either that, or several gallons of Brain Bleach. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!


The Hit Wizard was somewhat apprehensive as he did the bi-monthly cell checks to make sure everyone was alive and in their cells so Ministry records of the prison were kept up to date. Next up was a man so evil that the Dementors that were supposed to be guarding him had refused to go near him for years. A man who was utterly and disturbingly sane, unlike the other Death Eaters who had arrived at around the same time he did.

Instead of the usual requests for things like cigarettes and reading material that the man usually made to the Hit Wizards who did the cell checks every two weeks, there was absolute silence.

"Please be dead. Please be dead." the Hit Wizard said as he approached the cell as the silence was getting to him far worse than the gibbering and shrieking of the other prisoners did. The silence that seemed to increasingly ominously signal BAD THINGS.

The Hit Wizard reached the cell of one Mr. Sirius Black only to find it...completely empty.

"He's gone!" the Hit Wizard exclaimed.

The instant he said this, a nearby Dementor who hadn't been completely chased off by the Patronus produced by the Prison Guard that accompanied him made a strange shrieky noise that sounded suspicously like cheering.

A noise that Dememtors all over the prison soon made.

* * *

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO?!" Fudge thundered at the head Dementor which had been summoned to his office. "He's an escaped prisoner and it's your job!"

The head Dementor responded to this by pulling a sheaf of paper and what looked like a children's book out of its ragged robes.

"What's all this stuff?!" Fudge exclaimed as he sorted through several Muggle pamphlets about rape, sexual assault and sexual harrassment and a book on the Bad kind of touch that had been written to educate small children.

The head Dementor made a bunch of shrieking sounds, pointing to the pamphlets as he did so.

"What's the matter?" Delores Umbridge simpered when she came into Fudge's office following the departure of that Nasty Dementor that had her Minister all worked up.

"Damn Dementors are starting to demand rights!" Fudge grumbled.

"Well, dear you'll just have to put those awful creatures in their place." Umbridge simpered "You are the Minister after all."

"It's not that simple." the Minister grumbled.

"All you have to do is pass a teensy little law to show them who's boss." Umbridge encouraged Fudge, placing a hand on his shoulder and ignoring the shudder and muttered "Maybe I should have another look at those pamphlets I threw out" she got in response.

"Just pass a law so horrible that those filthy creatures will regret ever coming to you and demanding things like rights and beg you to take away all of them if only you'll get that law repealed. And, when you repeal it, you can show how you stand for justice for even creatures as pathetic as they by repealing such horrible laws against them, without mentioning that it was you who passed it in the first place" Umbridge said with a predatory gleam in her eye. "Not only will it show those animals who's boss, but it will also get you support from those bleeding hearts that follow Dumbledore"

"You're right!" Fudge said, perking up. "I'll pass a law so horrible that no Dementor will ever dare to ask for rights again!"

"Shall I?" Umbridge asked as she pulled a sheaf of parchment and a quill from one of the pockets of her pastel pink cardigan.

"Let it be known that henceforth, no Dementor shall have any protection whatsoever from sexual assault of any kind. Anyone is free to brush up against, rub themselves against, dry hump, inappropriately touch or otherwise sexually molest any Dementor they choose." Fudge pompously proclaimed as soon as Umbridge got her writing materials situated.

"Wait, WHAT?!"

* * *

"Where's Black?" The Auror who had come to Hogwarts on the Minister's orders after news that Black had been captured asked.

"He got away. Again." The Headmaster said from his position where he was consulting Madam Pomfrey about a rather tricky patient who was currently being restrained in order to keep him from gouging what little was left of his eyes out.

"What happened to that poor sod?" The Minister who had accompanied the Auror to the school's infirmary where Headmaster Dumbledore was currently located asked, pointing to the greasy-haired potions professor who kept screaming "OBLIVIATE ME!" as he was being strapped down onto the infirmary bed.

"I'm afraid he witnessed the end result of that ridiculous law you passed last year." Dumbledore said mildly, giving Fudge the look that never failed to make Dumbledore's students both current and former feel like a complete idiot when they were on the receiving end of it.

Professor Snape was completely oblivious to the exchange between Fudge and Dumbledore or the news that Sirius Black was once again on the lam however. No matter how hard he tried, no matter how many times he tried to claw his eyes out, he could never unsee what he had seen when he came to to find the Dementors surrounding Sirius Black, the Potter brat, the Weasley boy and the Granger girl.

" _Close your eyes and get on your knees," Black said with a smile. "Then just keep sucking until my soul comes out."_


End file.
